you’re doing a bang up job!


The other day a friend stopped by to return the mini-muffin pan she borrowed from me. She left it at the front door. We don’t usually use our front door. We just park the car and go in through the kitchen. We open the door and grab the mail but that’s about it. So, it wasn’t until I went to get the pan that I realized just how freaking ugly and uninviting our front yard is (and that my friend probably will never let her kids come over ever again). I also realized that the mail carrier must think the house is abandoned and is probably shocked that the previous day’s mail has mysteriously disappeared when he delivers the mail. Maybe he thinks we’re vampires or ghosts. Something had to be done.

I think every teenage girl at one time thought she might look fabulous with bangs. So she went into the bathroom on a Sunday night and, channeling Vidal Sassoon, tried to create the perfect bang. Five minutes and ten inches later, she realized with desperation that she really didn’t have the face for bangs. Maybe if she just made them a little shorter. Maybe if she just evened them out a little. Next thing you know, she has a two inch fuzz of hair sticking out of her forehead and because it is Sunday, no way to fix it. It wouldn’t be until the next morning after crying herself to sleep that she would have the idea to go for a side part and forward sweep of hair to cover or at least minimize the bang fiasco. Really, this never happened to you? I’m the only one?

Why is this relevant, you ask? Because when I started to trim the juniper bushes out front in the hopes of making the house look cute, I ended up with the equivalent of two inches of crooked bangs sticking out of the ground. I swear I was just going to trim them so that you could approach the front door without getting scratched or smacked in the face. Next thing I know–POOF! We are down to one bush and one gnarly stump. Will I ever learn?

In an effort to make a side part out of a stump, I made a few purchases. First, plants that thrive in the shade like hostas. I also bought some partial sun plants because I’m not really sure how shady the front yard is throughout the day. Next, planters because that bush was taking up a huge amount of space and I don’t know what I want plant. We still have a few huge bare spots but it does look better.

A word about taking pictures for a gardening blog–don’t try it with your kids around. I love my children but for the love of all that is holy I couldn’t keep my son out of these shots to save my life. He couldn’t believe that I could possibly want a picture without him in it. Pictures will also show you all of the paint you may have missed when you scraped the tacky green fake grass/carpet off of the steps and you’ll also be able to clearly see just how crazy your drainage system is.

I should state that although I started this project on my own, I did have to get some assistance. I trimmed the tree but couldn’t get the stump out by myself. Yes, once again, I had to call my husband out to the yard because I started a project that I couldn’t finish. And yes, once again he came outside and helped me out of the hole I had literally dug myself into. True love. Anyway, now I just have to figure out a way to discretely inform my friend that our front door is now welcoming. The mail carrier is probably going to think we moved and that the new owners are freaking awesome.

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About kristi

I'm a woman on a mission. A mission to make something other than weeds grow in my backyard. View all posts by kristi

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